I've run across one of those days where I am full of silence. I picked up my new meds after three weeks, four seizures, and a partridge in a pair tree. I both hate the fact that I am destined to be medicated for the rest of my life and am so very grateful that my condition is treatable.
So what does an insane girl who still has two weeks of psychological hell to do?
Let's make a list. (If you haven't figured it out, lists are my favorite)
1. Obsessively chew off the dead the skin on my burnt finger.
Because mmmmm yummy charred flesh and blisters.
2. Plead and beg with the powers that be to make my imaginary life a reality.
3. Try and fail to figure out how I ended up 45 minutes away in midtown when I was headed down the street to the grocery store. (Seriously though, I think I might have a split personality)
4. Wonder if I might have Asperger's since I don't have the full spectrum of emotions.
5. Debate if not trimming my nails for weeks on end is sexy or if I look like I just didn't feel like trimming my nails.
6. Is my hair big? Is my hair frizzy? No wait, my hair is just curly.
7. Should I cut my hair? Let it grow? Shave my head? OOOOO! I can dye it pink!
8. Wondering why I'm still single. Oh yeah because I'm crazy go nuts.
9. Does everybody hate me? Or do I hate everybody?
10. Is my kid going to turn out like me? God I hope not. Wait damn it I already fucked it up!
11. How is it that the men that I find are crazier than I am? For that matter most of the women I've found haven't been any better.
12. Man I really want to through a dinner party . . . in the park . . . with tea lights and lanterns . . . and everybody cosplaying as an Alice in Wonderland character. OOOOOO lets make it a tea party.
13. I suck at making decisions. Like really really suck at it. Like an average toddler on roller skates suck at it.
14. Fuck. . . fucking shit. I fucking don't give a fuck. Fuck!
15. How many different ways can I make fudge and peanut butter into a decadent dessert?
Ok I'm stopping myself at fifteen. These things dance in my head amongst a million other things every five seconds.
1. Obsessively chew off the dead the skin on my burnt finger.
ReplyDeleteBecause mmmmm yummy charred flesh and blisters.
Mine is picking at the outside right thumb, so that I have a callus, normally wondering what caused to start doing it in the first place. Kinds bugs me and
leads to me picking at it again. Looks like this reply section has no margins set...or is it just me?
2. Plead and beg with the powers that be to make my imaginary life a reality.
Law of unintended consequences...like imagination/imaginary life because it gives me an exit from reality for a little time.
What if living in that world made you childless?
3. Try and fail to figure out how I ended up 45 minutes away in midtown when I was headed down the street to the grocery store. (Seriously though, I think I might have a split personality)
I go to church and school the same way, study all day Saturday and then church that evening...still a coin flip of where I end up.
4. Wonder if I might have Asperger's since I don't have the full spectrum of emotions.
I have a full range of emotions just a total lack of empathy for my parents/sister.
I can't heal their pain or make her sober or whatever today's issue is. I stopped giving a damn awhile ago
So being unwilling to listen to a parent bitch or deal with a sister drunk/high/strung out has made me
lacking empathy...and they wonder why I consider nursing in Montana or Canada....not sure how I would
feel about cold though.
5. Debate if not trimming my nails for weeks on end is sexy or if I look like I just didn't feel like trimming my nails.
It annoys me, worse part is even if I trim all ten nails at once, in two or three weeks they are all different length
bugs the hell out of me.
6. Is my hair big? Is my hair frizzy? No wait, my hair is just curly.
7. Should I cut my hair? Let it grow? Shave my head? OOOOO! I can dye it pink!
I already keep the hair a little longer than shaved, but considering doing something to hide the small thinning/
bald spot on the rear top area.
8. Wondering why I'm still single. Oh yeah because I'm crazy go nuts.
And the rest of us aren't in some way?
9. Does everybody hate me? Or do I hate everybody?
Depends on how and if you reply to this commentary.
10. Is my kid going to turn out like me? God I hope not. Wait damn it I already fucked it up!
Is that so bad? Being true to herself as you are (or seem to be) to yourself?
11. How is it that the men that I find are crazier than I am? For that matter most of the women I've found haven't been any better.
To often people let their body lead instead of their head and heart.
12. Man I really want to through a dinner party . . . in the park . . . with tea lights and lanterns . . . and everybody cosplaying as an Alice in Wonderland character. OOOOOO lets make it a tea party.
Throw a dinner party...trick is being a hostess and getting everything to finishing cooking at the same time.
Let me know if you figure out a good trick for that one.
13. I suck at making decisions. Like really really suck at it. Like an average toddler on roller skates suck at it.
Well sometimes not deciding forces a less than optimal decision, I take my best bet and a pich of gut feeling,
and swing for the fences.
14. Fuck. . . fucking shit. I fucking don't give a fuck. Fuck!
Positive Attitude check
I positively hate this fucking (noun of your choice)
Negative Attuitude check
No fucking way I will (verb and noun of choice)
Short Attitude Check
Fuck It!
15. How many different ways can I make fudge and peanut butter into a decadent dessert?
Well what kind of peanut butter, any use of not peanut nut butter(almond or cashew or whatever works)
Any cream of other dairy products used? How many types of chocolate....and what are they served on
a plate or a cookie of sorts?
There are a few more thoughts and replies to yours.
Cheers,
W
Good show. Sorry I dis not respond sooner. My blogger app is lacking notifications I will do better in checking on my laptop for comments.
ReplyDeleteGood answers and interesting expansion on my thoughts.
I often get asked what goes through my mind or what's on my mind and I, in most cases, respond with "Oh, nothing." or "Way too much." In reality tons on nonsensical things and varying degrees of thought streams play through my mind.
In essence this post was a way to share what variety and scope of thought jumble through my mind in a mere 5 seconds. The thoughts rarely become complete, but sometimes I get great inspiration and fodder for creativity.
And on my end the margins seem to show up find. What browser do you use?
I tend to use chrome most often, once I am up for the day...I will check it out again. It may be that the margins are put in between typing and being posted.
ReplyDeleteOn other matters, that is why I love the handy smartphone. So many questions, so many answers so easily found online. Wouldn't use it instead of a doctor or anything stupid. But great for gardening cooking and cleaning stuff zand general knowledge stuff. But my true passion is movie streams and new kindle content. More latter I suppose.