Time

I often wonder what my life would be like if it was devoid of all the misery, heartache, betrayal, pain, and loneliness. What would I be like without my special brain and aches? Would I be able to distinguish that there are worse things out there? Would I appreciate the laughter and momentary glimpses of love that I get?

Where would I be? Married with my coveted 2.5 kids, dog, and white picket fence?

Or would it make any difference at all if I were ordinary? What if I had been able to conform and be just like my sister? Is quiet and demur a better existence?

I often spend my time thinking about such things. I wouldn't be me anymore and I doubt I would see the value in everyone and everything that I do.

I really should stop wasting my time on the what ifs. My life is pretty unreal. So my daughter doesn't have a father around, but what we do have is a house full of people that take time to talk to each other and figure out what's wrong or what's right with everybody. We take time for each other and we take time for ourselves.

Enjoying what I have now is far more important than and enjoyable than any what could have been.