Some Kind of Madness

Birthday Edition! Just what you always wanted; a blog! FOR MY BIRTHDAY!

In less than an hour I will be 31. I am beginning a new journey in my life and it begins peacefully.
There's a part of me that keeps screaming to leave everything be. Life is at a plateau for once. I have to admit the silence and lack of chaos is a bit frightening. Even the standard white noise in my head is quiet.

For the majority of my life I have begged for normality. Is this normality? I'm engaging in normal activities like buying the Midget her first dance outfit and paying bills. I work, I parent, I go to school, I hang out with friends. The only thing missing is a significant other and it seems I honestly don't care either way if I find one.

A week ago I would have argued that I did, but I think I'm fine. If I do choose to have another child it will be my choice and I will be free to raise him/her as I choose. I kind of like the liberation of being able to parent in any style I choose and not have to bargain or discuss decisions with anybody unless I want some advice. I've gotten better at ignoring unsolicited advice and really don't care if anybody thinks I'm doing it wrong. I parent my way and it works for us.

Sometimes it would be simpler to have a partner, but I have been blessed with a village. The great thing about a village is that they let you parent your way and swoop in when help is needed and I do the same for them. It's a good way to be.

Anyway the new meds seem to control the bipolar better without the "this isn't me" feeling. There seems to be something eerie in the placid moments of my days. I am happy and I still get sad, but mostly I just am. Is this nice? I'm not sure.